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Like him

When I was about ten years old I wanted to be a superhero.
I often used to imagine myself saving someone or something in my local suburb. At first I couldn't figure out who I wanted to be, but then I realized that it didn't matter, because the important thing to me at that time was thinking about it.

I imagined my identity never being revealed and all the people around town talking about me and my heroic deeds.
I use to love Spiderman, and very much wanted to be someone like him, but he was already doing it, so I couldn't be him, but I thought someone like him.
I wanted webs to come out of my wrists like his, but didn't really know how to make it happen. I knew where on my wrists I would place the device, but had no idea how I would secure the thing it if I ever did work out how to make the thing.
I saw myself flying around town with the same agility that he had. I lived in Burleigh Heads on the Gold Coast, and now looking back I don't even think anyone there would have noticed, they probably would have thought I was from Movie World or something

I never did become a super hero, but then again, I never did become many things I said or thought I was going to do. The exciting thing to me was thinking about it.
The thought of doing something has always seemed way more desirable than actually doing it, like the thought of not doing something to me is actually better than not doing it.
At times I have thought how doing and not doing aren't that different.
It was often said to me that I talk more about doing things than actually do them, as if suggesting somehow that it wasn't ok just to fantasize. Why not just think, I thought.
Why does an idea always have to be followed by the drudgery of putting it into action?
It's always a let down when you finally do what you wanted to do anyway, and realize once again that the dream was infinitely better, so why ruin a good dream by making it a reality?
Dreaming of being Spiderman was far more realistic to me than actually becoming him.
If I became this hero then I would have had to deal with the very hard cold fact that I wasn't really Spiderman, but something like him, and I didn't want to be something like him, I wanted to be him.

That's what I thought anyway.

Carl