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Inside.
Sometimes my bum gets so itchy that no matter how much I scratch it, it still itches. It’s like the itch is on the inside. How are you supposed to relieve that itch? Not that I would ever seriously think of doing it, but sometimes I imagine getting a cheese grater. Even that doesn’t make sense because the itch is up on the inside…or a pineapple would be good.
When I tell people things like this they look at me like there is something wrong with me, and maybe there is, but I am just imagining what it would be like for fun, and people take it so literally, as if I really would take a pineapple to myself. But I tell you what, a half moon rasp would be good though, nice pointy bits.
Did you think I was serious?
I’m just trying to tell you that sometimes things happen to me that I can’t do anything about. If your bum cheek is itchy in public, no worries, quick scratch and nobody notices. But if it is on the inside then you can’t really go for it. I don’t think people should be witness to that. That is something that should be done at home alone, always reminding myself; “Carl you must never do this in public” and myself usually agrees. There is ‘public’ me then there is at home by myself ‘me,’ two totally different people.
So I guess the point that I am trying to make is if you’re going to scratch your bum in public especially the deep internal itch then don’t do it where you might be seen because people can be harsh and think that you are gross or weird when in fact all you are is someone who has an itch, a deep internal profound itch - besides, the pineapple would have to be a really small one.
Some people I realize don’t think of things like this and that probably is a good thing, I do. I don’t know why I am the way I am, but I am, the way I am.
